Blunt Force Trauma: the Nikon F

A classic brick.

SLRs are the current common form of not-so-ameteur photographer’s camera. The advanced enthusiast and professional alike turn to the Canons and Nikons and the likes for much more controlled photographic settings that they could get from camera phones like the iPhone and Galaxy S4 Zoom, or most point and shoots like the toy Diana and the Olympus XA2 (what have we done with that damn thing?)

But all camera companies have to start somewhere, right?

Like many great things, the Nikon F was not the first of its kind to enter the world, but it made the greatest splash and launched Nikon (and Japanese camera manufacturers in general) into the limelight.

And chances are good it made a big splash because of its weight. This camera is a blunt brick of a thing. I would have no qualms about using the F as a brute force weapon. There would certainly be more damage to a head than this solid hunk of metal and glass.

The best part is that after you brained someone with it, you would be able to make some exceptional keepsake photos. Nikon’s first SLR was built with the expectation of evolving camera standards, and thus is very adaptable and extremely high quality stuff. From the viewfinder to the focusing screen to the film back, the Japanese showed their technical superiority and forward thinking capabilities with this guy.

With the SLR’s 1959 launch also came Nikon’s F lens mount, which makes it compatible with almost all lenses made since then, even the modern autofocus models. Brilliant! Now you can ditch that blood-covered hunk of glass and still be able to pick up a new clean one! Just don’t forget to wipe your prints off of it first.

You’ll have to plan accordingly when caring around a Nikon F. It’s so heavy it may slow you down when you’re running to escape the police. And they may use a few of them as battering rams to knock down the door of your hideout. And then use them to shoot the crime scene photos.